I have long paused on writing about this step, possibly because I still don’t feel its complete. Of all spiritual gifts we will take with us out of this world, the relationships, including those with deity, are perhaps the most precious. Relationships are victimized by addiction, which turns one selfishly inward. It should be no wonder that recovering from addiction requires the step of turning outward to repair every offense and rebuild every sound relationship possible.

Step 8: make a written list of all people you have harmed and become willing to make restitution to them.

In so doing, there is a beautiful reminder in the ARP manual that when we seek forgiveness from others, we also need to seek to forgive. I will focus this writing on a very troubling time in my life where I needed to learn to forgive.

The first 6-years of my career were spent developing robotics equipment. My first job was in Osaka, Japan but I eventually ended up designing and supporting a line of robotic equipment in California. It was good, hard work, but a vicious split occurred in the company. The vice president in Japan started his own robotics company invited me to join him. We had developed a true friendship and I decided I wanted to keep working with him. I was excited to help bring our ideas to fruition. He became our new company president.

I wrote and tested software for the system in America, while our design team in Japan developed the hardware. Then times got really rough. Allegations of stolen design materials from the original company surfaced and our investors began playing financial hardball to buy the new company at a high discount. At that point a promoter joined our company, promising to save our operations by getting us new funding. Instead, I believe he found a means to blackmail our new company president. He began drawing an exorbitant salary while insisting our salaries be lowered.

His new finance plans were to have me create fake claims of large robotics orders that were contingent on us finishing our development. He would say, “I have a bank account containing millions of dollars. I just need the key.” He obviously felt I was an important part of that key. He tried to pressure me into many illegal actions. Sometimes international calls would come in the middle of the night when I couldn’t think straight. He would insist I do what he said, adding, “Everyone knows subordinates just have to do what they are told. You will never face legal problems for this. I am the one responsible!” I began to tense with dread every time I heard a phone ring.

I guess in the end I wasn’t the key he had hoped for. Money ran low. My dear friend, the new president in Japan, suddenly disappeared with his little family. I don’t know where he went, but I believe he fled his country. Then I got a call from a respected co-worker in Japan who told me they could no longer continue paying me. My heart flooded with relief. It was finally over.

For years I struggled with hard feelings over this. It was truly traumatic for me, but I found a place of healing in the Celestial Room of the Bountiful Temple. This room filled with light and inspiration. I have seen and felt miracles occur in many rooms in multiple temples, but this room is particularly special to me. One does not go to the temple expecting miracles. One simply knows that they will occur.

Window to the Celestial Room – Bountiful Temple (C) David C. Moore 2009

Here I pondered this step and I asked myself, “Is there anyone who, if they came through the doors into this glorious room, that I wouldn’t be overjoyed to see?” This promoter came to mind and I considered the repentance process it takes to get there, to stand in this holy place that is an extension of Heaven itself. As I envisioned him completely cleansed from sin, I was able to say with my whole heart, “Oh, I would have great joy to see him here!”

I intend to live my life so that I can greet anyone in the eternities and find joy being with them. I will address the other side of this in Step 9. The question being, “Is there anyone I have offended that would feel uncomfortable being there because of me?”

If you are having a hard time forgiving others, remember that we don’t know who will have a change of heart. We need to forgive all men. Yes, you need to follow the Spirit to protect yourself and your family. Some relationships won’t be healed here. But remember, there is a brighter day:

“And that same sociality which exists among us here will exist among us there, only it will be coupled with eternal glory, which glory we do not now enjoy.” D&C 130:2

Chad Hymus put on a special fireside Jan 15 in Farmington specifically to bless those overcoming personal challenges using the atonement. The fireside was organized by the Davis County LDS Addiction Recovery Program.

It was the result of a ‘chance’ meeting between our mission coordinators, Kent and Donna Jones and Chad at a restaurant. When he understood the addiction recovery work going on, he gladly offered, “I need to speak to your group.” It was quite an opportunity to have a nationally renown speaker.

Fireside Flyer

It is difficult to capture the things I always want to remember from this fireside, but here are a few:

#1 – Be proactive. Listen to the Spirit. When you see someone who needs help, don’t sit and think about it, just do it. Many are called, but few do it.

He used the example of a volunteer from the attendees that he had try to drink from a water bottle without using his hands. At the end he made the point. “I’ve tried to teach about being proactive for 30+ minutes, but I’ve failed to make the point and that’s my fault. Did any of you feel like you should have gone to help him?” Some did feel that, but none did.

#2 – Few people remember what you say but people do remember how you make them feel.  He borrowed a man’s cell phone and had him send his wife a loving text during the meeting. It was all about him thinking of her without the words, “I love you”. He said, “She will feel that love without the words because in his text to her, you will notice he never used the word, ‘I’. When I wasn’t teachable in the hospital, it was all about me. I will never walk again. I will never play ball with my sons. I won’t be able to be a good husband. Get rid of ‘I’ and get to you and us. Small 30-second messages can make all the difference”.

#3 – Change your habits. The number one cause for death among paraplegics is that they get pressure sores. For him, he had to give up boots, which was a big deal because he was an elk rancher. His father explained he would retain water in his feet, so he would have to get shoes of a style he was unaccustomed to, get them one size too big and put them on using his mouth. “It took me 2 1/2 months before I tried, and another 2-months to master it.”

Story:

The day of his accident, he was on his way home to see his son who his wife had just informed him had just taken his first steps. He stopped at his elk ranch to put out a 2500 lb bale of hay, but ignored a hydraulics warning light. “I had grown accustomed to it being okay, so I didn’t refill it.” The hay bale was lifted when the hydraulics failed and came down with crushing force. His wife first thought he had died. At the distress call 5-cowboys, state troopers and a paramedic arrived. 8-men in all released him from the pinning weight, bearing some 360 lbs apiece.

He woke up from a coma some 3+ weeks later and began a difficult recovery. His father at first could help him little until he became teachable. Then a visit from the apostle Neil A Maxwell helped pull him out of his deep stoop he was in with some pointed questions that helped him remove his real paralysis. It is a tragic and inspiring story.

We were deeply touched that he got his fourth child just yesterday – a little boy from Ethiopia that they have been trying to adopt for four years.

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