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Trek Story: A Woman Called “Grandma”

This year I will participate in my first Pioneer Trek as the dance caller. In preparation I would like to share here some special faith promoting stories from a heritage I treasure.

My great grandfather Thomas Kay crossed the plains at the age of 16 with his mother Margaret.  Before that the Kays lived in Lancashire England. Margaret and her husband John Kay ran a public house in England, serving beer, crackers, cheese and other snacks.

There the missionaries and an Elder Ascroft of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints helped convert the entire Kay family and John and Margaret became devoted members. The first to join the church was their oldest son Edward. He was an amazing young man who had already risked his life against the advisement of others to save his father, John, from a mining accident. Edward was also the first of the Kay children to migrate with his wife to Utah in 1853 to join the Saints.

Four months after Edward departed John died of consumption, leaving Margaret a widow with her remaining seven children, ages 6-20. This dear woman determined she would follow the counsel of the prophet to gather to Utah, and so a year after Edward left, and with financial help from the Perpetual Emigration Fund and a friend by the name of Houghton, she boarded a ship with her children and began her voyage to the United States. They sailed up the Mississippi River to the overland trail and made their way to Payson, eventually settling in Mona where they spent some years living in a dugout by a pond until a log cabin was constructed.

MargaretBattersby

Margaret continued raising her children and became a midwife in the community and a home nurse. She served faithfully and was buried in the Mona cemetery. What does a family put on the gravestone to remember a woman like this?

GrandmaKay

Thank you grandma! Thank you!

Neighbors and Storms

Saturday night, our area was struck with high winds (about 91mph) and so early on Sunday morning I went outside and checked for damage. My home was fine, but there were several trees down, one of which was blocking the road. The wind was still blowing, but I was able to pull it off the road, and not knowing what else to do, I went inside.
We soon got a text notifying us that church had been cancelled and we were being encouraged to stay indoors to have sacred Sabbath time with family. Then we got a text asking us to check on our home teaching families. These are families we have a special responsibility to help. I love my home teachers and the the families I home teach so this was a welcome request.
One family I visit doesn’t come to church but we are friends. When I asked if I could help with anything, he said, “Oh, I just have some branches down, but…” He stopped mid-sentence and said, “Hey, where did all the branches go?” I was too late, volunteers were already helping wherever they saw a need.
What had happened was our church hasmember volunteers called as emergency preparedness people. Early that morningthey had quickly organized people to cover the neighborhoods to see if everyone was alright. Volunteers at church with short wave radios and cell phones directed the crews with trucks and equipment to people who needed help.
WindDay2
I had gotten out my chainsaw to help with my other neighbor’s downed tree, but before I could even finish cutting it into manageable sized pieces, a truck and trailer had come and it was being loaded for the dump as fast as I could cut. I joined in with friends and we were directed to many homes needing help. We had wonderful interaction with many total strangers who we made some cherished memories with. I cut up a lot of trees that day… Others did much more.
WindDay1
I really feel there was intervention in which trees came down. I saw many whose hearts were softened because of the sudden need and the warm response. I left this Sunday with a beautiful feeling that the Lord had wanted us to reach out to each other, and we had.
D&C 50: 24 That which is of God is light; and he that receiveth light, and continueth in God, receiveth more light; and that light groweth brighter and brighter until the perfect day.
 
Reach out, serve, love and live in the gospel and then in the ‘perfect day’ we will all share the same light!

Addiction’s Cry

The cry of the addict is one of loneliness. It is one of, “Can I ever be loved?”

The addiction visits, masquerading as relief from pain,

Or in stolen moments of pleasure counterfeiting real joy,

But when it is done, the hole is wider, the wounds deeper.

 

Cries of families echo in my mind in deep frustration.

“We’ve tried everything!”

“We’ve given enough chances, and it’s never worked.”

“I feel so betrayed! Why is this more attractive than I?”

 

Hearts die, pierced with deep wounds.

 

And yet, there is another cry.jesus-woman-taken-in-adultery-948852-tablet

Our Savior calls after them all.

“Come unto me, and I will heal you.”

 

A true advocate, he pleads, “Father, behold the sufferings and death of him who did no sin.”

“Father, spare these my brethren that believe on my name, that they may come unto me and have everlasting life.” (D&C 45:4-5)

 

And so he continues to call after us saying,

Behold a new heart will I give unto you.

I know he can, and I know he does.

He is a God of miracles.

Whitewashing

This image of a young man more intent on outward appearance than real change really spoke to me. I pondered it for weeks and finally brought the article with me to work, hoping to share it with a co-worker.

That opportunity came unexpectedly when a co-worker came to work impaired. He was on medications that had so occluded his ability that he himself didn’t seem aware of what he had done. He hid the issue well enough that we assumed he was just having an off day until an officer showed up looking for the driver of his vehicle. It had been reported driving recklessly over a curb. It didn’t help my co-worker that when he was escorted to his vehicle by the officer, they found it impacted into the bumper of another car.

He, like all of us are so prone to do, was trying to look alright when something was seriously amiss.

I gave the article to another co-worker who has really impressed me by his strong work ethic coupled with a determination and exercised ability to overcome alcohol abuse that was destroying his life at one point. When we talked, he assessed what was happening to our co-worker and vehemently said, “I’m never going back there!” I shared the picture with him and as he took in the broken shell of the building with the man simply trying to just cover up, he concluded that it didn’t look like it would help much. I told him, “Our Father in Heaven is going to start from the inside if we’ll let him. He will rebuild us with a new heart, just like the Provo City Center Temple.”

I told him how it had burned down and how it had been considered a terrible tragedy, but then inspiration came to remake it. What was a beautiful tabernacle before now was rebuilt into a temple of God that exceeded the original building in every aspect. That painful purge was the beginning of rebirth.

Our lives are like this. The men I work with at the addiction recovery meetings often have houses in disrepair, but by coming to meetings, they take off their whitewashed masks, and in essence say, “This is my real house. Please come take a look. It isn’t in great shape. It needs to be fixed and I don’t know where to start.”  This is the beginning of the miracle of rebirth. I promise any of you reading – if you say this to our Savior and trust him with your heart, you can come clean and your mansion beautiful beyond anything we can comprehend.

Is Depression Addicting?

A key principle taught by the Arbinger Institute involves the realization that some things we most want to overcome, are things we have the hardest time letting go of because they become characteristic of both who we are, and our justification for how we feel about others or our situation in life.

I saw this as a home teacher working with a family in another state. The mother was really struggling with maintaining a small business and her family in the midst of morality, health and drug issues affecting family members. We would teach and invite her and the family members we could reach to greater activity in church functions but they were largely ignored. I gradually felt she had become so defined by problems that she had a hard time letting them go. Life for her seemed like an onion comprised of multiple layers of problems. It was unclear what would have been left if we had peeled back and solved the problems one layer at a time. There was a sincere struggle to get to a better place but also a curious grip that was reluctant to really move on.

Elder Holland addressed depression masterfully in his talk, “Like a Broken Vessel”.  I agree with him that there are times when expert help is needed in turning this emotion around. I also know the Lord expects us to do all we can and so as one who has wrestled with depression and seen many personal struggles with addiction offer one idea I hope some will find helpful as a starting point:

 

Really desire to be happy…

 

In addiction recovery, individuals often realize that in all honesty, part of them is trying to hold onto the addiction because they don’t even know how it is to feel normal. Some call the addiction their ‘medication’ or ‘companion’. It is when my brothers desired with their whole heart to overcome, that the miracles began happening with wonderful results. Some start by saying, “I want to want to”, and grow from there.

Depression is similar to addiction in many ways. It draws one back again and again and slackens one’s strength. The decision to give your heart to loving others and thereby draw near to our Savior is the first step to happiness, and then deciding to be grateful for every tiny blessing helps us complete the journey.

This doesn’t mean that there won’t be terribly sad emotions that come to us from disappointments or the death of a loved one. But it does mean that it is possible to be grateful, even when we are suffering. For me personally, it means I’m grateful that the Savior, a man of sorrows and acquainted with grief, is allowing me to feel a portion of his pain so I can be more like Him. I love Him. I am grateful to Him, and I feel His love in every beautiful thing.

And so, I’ve avoided answering the very question I posed, “Is Depression Addicting?” Addiction or not, it can eventually be overcome through our Savior who wants us to overcome all things and have perfect joy.

Please also see  “Grateful in any Circumstances”

 

Songs of the Heart – A Tribute to my Grandmothers

I sang to both of my grandmothers as they were dying.

GrandmaH2

My dear Grandma Harper had suffered a stroke and could no longer speak, though her eyes were full of emotion. In the hospital, I felt embarrassed to start singing, “A Poor Wayfaring Man of Grief” to her with my sister, but we did and suddenly what the world thought didn’t matter anymore. The Spirit filled the hospital room.

… He asked if I for Him would die,

The flesh was weak, my blood ran chill,

But the free spirit cried, ‘I will’

Then in a moment to my view,

The stranger started from disguise,

The tolkens in his hands I knew,

The Savior Stood before my eye

He spake and my poor name he named,

Of me thou hast not been ashamed,

These deeds shall thy memorial be,

fear not thou didst them unto me.

 

GrandmaC2My Grandmother Chournos loved music. She was my primary pianist when I was a child. She was on her deathbed and too weak to turn her head to see who had come. My mother asked if there was something we could sing for her and she asked my mother, daughter, sons and I to sing, “the hymn about the Garden of Eden.” We looked at each other, initially not knowing which song she meant. Then it hit me, “She wants us to sing, ‘Now Let Us Rejoice’ “.

Now let us rejoice in the day of salvation

No longer as strangers on earth need we roam,

Glad tidings are sounding to us and each nation

And shortly the hour of redemption will come

When all that was promised, the saints will be given

And none shall molest them from morn until ev’n

And earth shall appear as the Garden of Eden

And Jesus will say to all Israel, “Come home!”

My Savior was taking her home. Grandma was too weak to wave, so I touched her hand and said my ‘goodbye’.

These hymns were equally important to my pioneer ancestors. Oscar Winters was a pioneer who once told Heber J Grant, “Heber, I believe that the young people of Zion do not thoroughly appreciate what Brother Clayton’s hymn meant to us, as we sang it, night after night, crossing the plains. … I want to tell you an incident that happened as I was coming to the valley. One of our company was delayed in coming to camp. We got some volunteers, and were about to go back and see if anything had happened, … when we saw him coming in the distance. When he arrived, we unyoked his cattle and helped him to get his supper. He had been quite sick and had to lie down by the road, a time or two. After supper he sat down on a large rock, by the camp fire, and sang the hymn, ‘Come, come, ye Saints.’ It was the rule in the camp that whenever anybody started to sing that hymn, we would all join with him; but for some reason, no one joined with this brother. His voice was quite weak and feeble; and when he had finished, I glanced around, and I don’t believe there were any of the people sitting there whose eyes were tearless. He sang the hymn very beautifully, but with a weak and plaintive voice, and yet with the spirit and inspiration of the hymn. The next morning we discovered that he was not hitching up his oxen; we went to his wagon, and we found that he had died during the night! We dug a shallow grave and laid his body in it. We then thought of the stone on which he had been sitting the night before when he sang:

“And should we die before our journey’s through,

Happy day! All is well!

We then are free from toil and sorrow too,

With the just we shall dwell.

But if our lives are spared again

To see the Saints their rest obtain

O how we’ll make this chorus swell—

All is well, all is well!

“We then rolled that stone over in place as a headstone for his grave.”

Handcart_Willie&Martin

The Lord has said, “The song of the righteous is a prayer unto me, and it shall be answered with a blessing upon their heads.” I am overwhelmed that I am able to offer this prayer with all of you. Thank you for your love, prayers, talents and this your sacred offering.

Brother Harper – given as a thought at a youth practice for a Pioneer Trek Fireside

Real and Lasting Change

I have seen a battle with despair in those who feel they will always need to pretend to be something they aren’t.  I’m talking here about people who want to change to be better and put on an optimistic face, but inside wonder if they will ever measure up.  In addiction recovery work, I’ve come to find that a basic fear is that even if sinful desires are suppressed, they will always be there as a powerful force waiting to break through in a moment of weakness.

I’ve heard men use the phrase, “I will battle this all my life.” I applaud this resolution to keep trying, but it troubles me.  While the spirit of man should remain vigilant in maintaining mastery over the flesh, the fruits of the Spirit include peace and that means that constant battle is not our goal. I submit that the battle subsides as one draws on the power of the atonement of Jesus Christ. He’s already won this battle on our behalf, and the battle will subside in our hearts as we really change.

One of my many dear friends who successfully worked through addiction recovery gave the following insight (shared with permission):

“When I first started attending addiction recovery groups and began my journey towards the Savior, I believed that the end result would just be a mask. I knew that what Heavenly Father wanted from me was the right thing, but I didn’t think anything about who I was would change and, if I’m honest, I didn’t want anything about my personality to change. As I progressed in my recovery and as my relationship with Heavenly Father grew, He showed me that what I thought He wanted from me was wrong. He didn’t want me to wear a mask. He had a plan for me. He was listening to all of those prayers that I didn’t have the courage to bring to Him. What I finally realized was that what Heavenly Father wanted from me was to become the best version of myself. He believed in me, encouraged me, and brought out who I really was and showed me who I could be. It turns out I was wearing a mask, and He took it off. I will forever be grateful for that.”

Repentance_AllenDHaynie

It was a privilege to have a window into this man’s recovery. He found the Savior’s promises fulfilled, that if we give him our whole heart, he will return it, “pressed down, and shaken together, and running over” (Luke 6:38). “For whosoever will save his life shall lose it: and whosoever will lose his life for my sake shall find it.” (Matthew 16:25).

Real and lasting change comes when we seek the Lord’s will in everything we do. The real mask we wear is the one keeping us from our true nature as divine sons and daughters of God.

President Boyd K. Packer said: “The thought is this: the Atonement leaves no tracks, no traces. What it fixes is fixed. … The Atonement leaves no traces, no tracks. It just heals, and what it heals stays healed.” (Excerpt from Elder Allen D. Haynie)

https://www.lds.org/general-conference/2015/10/remembering-in-whom-we-have-trusted?lang=eng#19-13768_000_65haynie

Christmas Service

This year our church ward organized a drive to provide food for a school in Salt Lake that has many struggling families, many of whom are refugees. Because of the poverty in which these families live, it became apparent to teachers at the school that many of the students were going hungry during the holiday break because there were no subsidized meals.

I related the following to a friend of mine in a letter:

“Many in our ward gave their Christmas to these children. My wife Chihiro insisted on giving as well, saying, “Some parents of these children may have created their own problems, but hungry children – that isn’t okay.” She shopped and I pitched in to help assemble the bags. In the end, the ward delivered 540 large sacks of food, one for every child in the school, with the hope that it will bring relief during the holiday.

We had a manger display built in our neighborhood that we were encouraged to place a piece of straw in for each good act of service done. It was wonderful to have little children getting out of their parent’s cars and placing straw in the manger. The manger is now full and running over and so is my heart. I live in Heaven on Earth.”

Service is special because whenever we give our time and talents to serve God, he magnifies it.  Days after the service was rendered, we received beautiful letters from children at the school saying, “Thank you” in a 100 innocent ways. It warmed my heart, but it didn’t stop there. I loved my wife more for her desire to help. I had a greater love for my neighbors who did so much to organize and give us an opportunity to participate, and I felt a deeper love for my Savior.

Because of this love, I want to make this entry on my website my final act of giving on this beautiful Christmas day.

As peace is increasingly taken from the earth, let us seek the peace that surpasses all understanding. It comes from the Prince of Peace, even our Savior, Jesus Christ.

Merry Christmas!gold-stars-1086963-tablet

Friendship and Redemption

This is a very personal story. My friend wanted me to share this if it would bring even one more person closer to our Savior.

Don’s (name changed) father stood in front of the priesthood body.  The emotion in his face and voice caused an immediate and unusual silence. He said, “Some of you may get e-mail from Don on Mondays. You may have noticed that no e-mail came last Monday. We didn’t want this to be a matter of rumor or speculation, so we’ve decided to mention this here. Don has returned from his mission and entered the Davis County Jail. Don’s mission was successful. They recently had a baptism where Don acted as a witness, but the mission was successful in bringing at least two people to Christ, this investigator and Don. When Don was teaching, he realized he needed to live what he was teaching and so as part of the repentance process, he confessed to a crime which bears a civil penalty.” He went on to say that they would not minimize what had occurred and recognized it as being quite serious, but asked that we consider him in our thoughts and prayers.

My heart broke. Don was a polite and positive youth and a great senior patrol leader when I was an assistant scoutmaster. I had grown concerned for him as he approached his mission. Something wasn’t right, but I was glad for his decision to serve.

My wife and I visited their home that night and I got an address where I could write him a letter. It was the first of many I would send. In part I wrote, “It was a pleasure to work with you in young men’s.  Knowing your humble, teachable manner, it did not surprise me that our Savior was able to bring you to him with only gentle persuasion.  I know He loves you and will watch over you.  Remember that He is mighty to save.”

I did not know why he was incarcerated, and I didn’t really care to know. I just knew a young man would need some extra help and I didn’t want him to suffer alone. It was nearly three months later that I learned the circumstances, but that was from him directly in a letter. At that point he wanted me to know because he was sad that so many of his friends had abandoned him and he was looking for hope.

Over the 6-months we corresponded, we developed a deep friendship. He kept himself immersed in the scriptures and in being a wholesome example. When he mentioned his intention to plead guilty and be open about what had happened, one inmate told him, “You can’t do that! You’ve got to fight this!” But Don’s goal was full repentance and so he followed through and risked a heavier sentence. He related that standing before the judge, entering his plea was incredibly difficult. As the judge read each charge, he simply responded, repeatedly “guilty…”

Some day, I believe we will stand in a final judgment, and it will be Christ himself who will look at Don and I and all others, and if we have repented with our whole heart, He will say: “Not guilty”. The charges won’t be mentioned. We will stand clean and pure as the day we were born and we will shine forth in the Kingdom of God.

At one point in his stay another inmate said, “Don, you may not know why you are here, but I know why. It was for me.”  In the end the sentence was reduced but to 6-months, and when he left, he realized that he had more success at turning hearts to God from inside the jail than out on his mission.

He helped turn one more heart to God – my own. My own story of redemption would not be complete without his. Through his example, I focused on my own life and I also made a resolve to turn my whole heart to my Savior. And so my own repentance and determination to serve has profound roots in my friend’s repentance. I will always be grateful to him for helping me.

Finally, as food for thought, I share a dream given to me in two parts. I first saw a man who was the only one to get testing wrong out of 100 people.  But as the test got harder he was the only one of 100 that passed the final.

I then saw a man, who in admitting his sin was scorned as the least of 99 other men but he had humbled himself and turned to the Lord. When the Lord came, he was the only one able to stand before him. Where were the ninety and nine?

This I know: the embrace of Heaven awaits those who repent.meme-christofferson-savior-1240579-tablet

World Congress of Families

This is a blog about the gospel of Jesus Christ. I post this here because the family is at the center of this gospel.
There is an incredible amount of backlash aimed at discrediting the World Congress of Families #wcf9 held over the last several days. For my experience, I didn’t hear the hate speech that the multiple “World Congress Exposed” people claim. I saw, for example, abortion discussed in the light of how the women who have abortions suffer emotionally and that couples in this situation suffer problems with intimacy and future reproduction. What was exposed in Alveda King’s talk was the coercive techniques used by abortion clinics with goals of increasing their profitability by convincing women that abortion was their only choice.
AbortionClinicOwner_CarolEverett
What I found totally lacking was a call to hate, for example, the gay-lesbian community. The belief of those at the congress was powerful in support of traditional marriage. The biggest concern expressed at the conference, I felt was that religious and parental rights to teach the value of traditional marriage is being threatened. There really is a massive movement to discredit and destroy both traditional families and religious bodies, and it is based in ideology that only government can and should ultimately decide what people should believe and own.
Over the next few weeks footage of the actual conference addresses will be made public. Pro-family speakers from all around the world added their voices including from Africa and Russia. This dialog spanned at least Christian, Jewish and Muslim faiths. Their powerful insights should be part of the public dialogue to help restore economic vitality and the liberty that comes from having strong families.