My company’s president was under duress. It was our company Christmas dinner party and I knew he was struggling after losing key employees in Japan where he and our main office was located. The American employees didn’t know what was happening, but I did because I had been invited to join the new company that the key employees had formed. I really did want to join them. The new company president was my dear friend, but I was feeling guilty that it would let my old company president down.
At the dinner I expressed appreciation for the meal and asked if he was alright. He replied, “そう言ってくれるのはハーパーだけです”. The words still haunt me: “The only one who would say that to me is you.” My guilt suddenly redoubled. I was just days away from having to confirm the decision to change companies.
In my last post on Step 8, I wrote about becoming willing to forgive another who caused me pain. In this step, I desire to talk about seeking forgiveness from one who I hurt. I still feel this keenly.
I did finally announce I would be changing jobs. At the time I was designing a key enhancement for our product line. I was surprised when my old company president flew back to our office to try and convince me to stay, but I had given what I thought was more than proper notice, with added time to train a successor to take over development. The Spirit told me I must finish that project work first, but I couldn’t get things done in the given time frame and transitioned to the new company anyway.
I had let my former president down and the trust he had put in me was broken. Part of me was broken at the same time. After some months I sent a letter of apology to him. I never heard back.
My most poignant and heart-torn feelings come when I think there may be someone I am not reconciled to in the eternities. Oh what I would give to look my dear old president in the eye and thank him and repair that breach. This is the feeling I desire for every person I have known.
There is one that I reached out to that did reach back to me:
D&C 45:4-5 “…Father, behold the sufferings and death of him who did no sin, in whom thou wast well pleased; behold the blood of thy Son which was shed, the blood of him whom thou gavest that thyself might be glorified;
5 Wherefore, Father, spare these my brethren that believe on my name, that they may come unto me and have everlasting life.
Christ wants us back. Here is a man of sorrows and acquainted with grief. He was rejected of men and yet waits with open arms to receive any who come unto him. Let us be faithful. As we really try, I know that somehow he will make everything right.